A Breaking Up!
A Break Up!
One thing I can assure you it's that a break up isn't one thing that every couple wants to undergo, even though sometimes it has to be.
Today we focus on a little sad note looking at one thing that we mostly don't look forward to- weather you are a male or female involved in a relationship. It is somehow (well in most cases) that females get to be do terrified even far more worse that of a male involved.
One thing that I can tell you it's that males also hurt when it comes to that regard, weather they have called the break up or not.
The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress. But if you're looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions about how to make it a little easier, read on...
Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
Sometimes it is said that you need to keep your space. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. Alright, I get it that this means not seeing each other, just not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages or whatsoever - however I'd say not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until one feel that he/she can converse with the other party purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
And in regards of coping with the pain appropriately, I'd say it's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
The best thing to do as well that plays a very vital part in a break up - Is that you need to deal with the hate phase. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable. You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
Don't forget to keep surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and/or family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
And the last thing I'd say it is that write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
“The toughest part of letting go is realizing that the other person already did.” - Anonymous
Hope my two cents worth of advice will help, enjoy! J